These are just some random thoughts I have about different programs on TV :

*Remember Showtime At The Apollo? I used to like that show. Except the hosts were always awful! Sinbad, Rudy Rush, Steve Harvey. It's like the very worst black comediens were always hired to host that show. Then all of a sudden it was Showtime In Harlem then just Showtime! and now it is Live In Hollywood. They moved it across the country and they just let Kiki Sheppard host. So what's wrong with the show? Well, in my opinion, better shows have come along. American Idol is way more entertaining than Live In Hollywood. Granted, the songs the choose can be really cheesy---- (Lee Greenwood?) --- but having the constestants practice for days with professional voice coaches and musicians certainly makes for better listening than some fat ghetto chick who thinks she's the next Chaka Khan but can't quite nail all those vocal runs she is attempting at your listening detriment.

*Why don't they bring back Magnum P.I.? When I was a kid, Magnum was my hero! They could either get Tom Selleck to reprise the role as an older Magnum, OR hire someone new and do a sort of Magnum 2003 version.

*Speaking of American Idol, they should give Simon Cowell his own show. We have nobody currently who is as honest as he is regarding other famous people. Wouldn't it be a kick to hear Simon say to guest Mariah Carey "listen sweetheart, you've got the voice of an angel, but why torture us all with Glitter ?" Even David Letterman, who used to be brutal even to some of his guests, has completely mellowed out, and I'm sure fatherhood is going to make him even more of a push-over. Nothing makes my stomach turn more than watching Leno or the chicks on The View gush over how great the latest Martin Lawrence movie was when we all know it is probably the biggest load of crap you'll ever pay ten bucks to go see.

*Reality programming needs to be upped a notch. And I don't mean more of Joe Rogan. Holy cow, is there a reality TV host that makes your skin crawl more than that guy? No, I mean let's do Adoption Inc. 16 kids compete for maybe a month to see who will finally get a family to adopt them. It could be ages 10-17. Or Who Wants A Job? where homeless people compete for a great cushy office job. Not some crappy McJob either. A nice easy, pencil-pushing job with benefits and an hour long lunch break. How about Somebody Save Me! where hospital-bound patients plead their cases and out of five people the TV viewing audience gets to call in and vote each week on who gets life-saving transplant organs. Even the presidential race could be a reality TV show. It could be called Elect Me! Oh Nevermind My Friends In The Supreme Court Will Appoint Me President But You Won't Even Care Because This Next Reality TV Show Will Numb Your Mind --- or is that too long a title?

*I've always wondered why Good Morning America so closely copies the format of Today when GMA's talent is so much better. I'm sorry, but those people on Today get on my very last nerve, especially Mr. "I-had-a-gastric-bypass-I'm-a-Hero" Roker. But yet, you can turn the channel back and forth and the news anchors will be on the same story, they will literally be finishing each other's sentences. If it were up to me, GMA would become something different. It's kind of like how Target learned to deal with Wal-Mart. Nobody is going to beat Wal-Mart. They are a behemoth, the largest retail store by far. So Target found a niche. A sort of more upscale, hipper kind of style than Wal-Mart offers to it's trashier clientele. Meanwhile K-Mart tried to go head to head with less than admirable results.

*The O'Reilly Factor is one of those shows that is really just mindless entertainment masquerading as something useful. O'Reilly is never funny, almost always mean, and makes sense only half the time. I cannot tell you how many times I have seen him being out-debated by a calm guest and he just starts yelling over them or calling them names. I agree with O'Reilly about 50 percent of the time, but I can't help but feel as if he thinks all his viewers are dumb. Does he really think that by resorting to name-calling and just being physically louder and more obnoxious than his guests we are going to agree with his point of view? And the smug look with which he hawks his "Factor Gear". Ugh. The dude is gross. Plain and simple.

*I really enjoy Trading Spaces but I always dislike it when they have whiny participants who say something like "Oh but don't paint my tables." Listen you RETARD. If you don't want your INSERT HOUSEHOLD ITEM HERE changed, do NOT do the show. You are getting the services of an interior designer and $1000 so don't whine about how you wanted to keep your god-awful wall paper.

*When I was growing up, Entertainment Tonight used to be the premier celebrity gossip type show, but now it's definitely scraping the bottom of the barrell. The lady host looks like her plastic surgeon played a cruel joke on her, they are always doing the SAME show over and over. It's either "Headlines and Scandals" or "Hollywood's Weight Battles" or something like that. And the stories WITHIN the show never seem to change. And as if all that was not bad enough, they feature the insufferable Steven Cojacaro, who is every single gay stereotype brought frightfully to life and shoved in your face with all the subtlety of a jackhammer.

*Sometimes great shows stay with us --- Seinfeld, The Simpsons , 60 Minutes --- sometimes they don't --- Politically Incorrect comes to mind. Sometimes a show that really isn't good at all lingers for years and wins Emmys and I cannot figure out why. Frasier was one such show. I NEVER ever laughed at Frasier, although the annoying laugh track certainly tried to tell me where I was SUPPOSED to laugh. Really. Watch Frasier and the times they cue the laugh track. It's never funny. My only thought is that all those people who liked Cheers (which I never cared for either) must have just gone on to watch Frasier and kept it around. There are other shows that you catch re-runs of now and wonder how they ever stayed on because they are not funny --- Home Improvement , Full House , and Family Matters come easily to mind.

*What's up with sitcoms where the ugly dude is married to an attractive intelligent woman? Everybody Loves Raymond , Grounded For Life , King of Queens and even The Cosby Show are all good examples of this weird phenomenon. The lesson is simple : women settle and men get very very lucky. Hmmm come to think of it that DOES seem true.

* WHAT HAPPENED TO SATURDAY MORNING CARTOONS? Man, when I was a kid, you could get up at 5am, watch WCW Wrestling and after Ric Flair was done kicking somebody's ass, you'd have a good five hours of cartoons easily. He-Man , The Smurfs , Thundercats , Silverhawks etc... I think FOX tried to keep this going with shows like Anamaniacs and Tiny Toon Adventures but I don't think they are still doing it to the extent that they were. Now kids are lucky to have one or two decent cartoons on Saturdays and either that's it or the cartoons are all crappy.

*Speaking of Ric Flair, I passed by wrestling the other day (yes, pro wrestling is still on, believe it or not!) and there he is! I was like "holy crap! is that Ric Flair, the dude has got to be almost 60 by now!" but apparently this is no big deal because Hogan is on there and Rowdy Roddy Piper and pretty much any 80s wrestling star you can think of. Only wrestling is called WWE now and they don't have any matches like "MR SUPERSTAR Vs. SOME GUY YOU KNOW IS GOING TO LOSE ". Which is refreshing. I have not watched wrestling actively for some time now. I had one brief revival period about 4 years ago when I read Mick Foley's book and got re-interested. But it was too much to keep up with for me. It's ridiculous now. It's like a soap opera for men where you have 15 minutes of Dynasty-type intrigue followed by 5 minutes of two brawny men in speedos manhandling each other. I'm all for new-millenial masculinity but some things are just so LATENTLY GAY it's laughable.

*Wouldn't it be great if Dr. Phil lost about 30 pounds on his own program?

*And Star Jones, too. What can we do about her? And where did the asian chick on the View go? I guess doing Charlie's Angels was just too much of a conflict.

*Remember when Saturday Night Live was just laugh after laugh? Now it's just sad. You watch for Weekend Update and the musical guest and you just shake your head at the rest. ("The Falconer" ? I don't get this at all!). There ought to be a rule. Will Farrell, Molly Shannon, et al, you can go when we SAY YOU CAN GO by means of internet poll. Uhm, Tracy Morgan you can go. Your skits are the worst of all. If I never see him do "brian fellows" again it will be too soon.

Well... as you can see I spend too much time watching TV but I think I've made some valid points. Or maybe not. Cue laugh track.