Yes, it's that time of the year again. Time to forget about all the little regrets you have of 2003 and instead look forward to 2004.

First, let me say that 2003 has been a very good year for me. I am happier than ever in my marriage. I never ever thought being married would be this much fun. It seems like nobody I know is happy being married. Either that is really the case or they are hiding it. And why do OTHER couples, both married and unmarried, always want to give you advice on your relationship? I never discuss my marriage to others. Well, I suppose except for this blog. And everyone's relationship is different. If you are happy, do what works for you. I have to say that my wife is truly the kindest, most beautiful, most intelligent person I have ever met. I was afraid to get married, simply because the very idea of it was just --- I don't know. I guess I did not have very good models of marriage to look to. But we are on our 4th year of marriage and it gets better and better. I look at her and I think "holy crap, how lucky am I to have my best friend as my lover and partner in life?" There are so many great aspects to her personality I better not start now she should get a seperate article just dedicated to her. Hmmm. That might be interesting. An article for my wife and my opinions on women and wives in general. Let's just say, I was young and stupid and she had to talk me into getting married and almost everything good I have learned from my wife. I know that all we really have in this life for sure is ourselves but let me tell you it feels so great to wake up everyday and have a fantastic woman backing you 100 percent.

Number two is finances. My wife taught me to be more frugal and we are young and well on our way to a good financial future. Her thriftiness inspired me to learn more about finances and so together we have opened up new types of interest-bearing accounts and we are looking into small business ventures for the future.

professionally I have learned a lot. I had a GREAT supervisor early in 2003 who showed me so much about the art of customer service and I have tried to emulate her example. I'm still young I have a lot to learn and I think I am too lenient when supervising my people but I am getting better. My work ethic has improved and I am changing positions to a new area where the work ( I expect) will be greatly increased over what I currently do. I make more money now than I did a year ago, which is nice but hey this is retail that ain't saying much.

As far as fitness goes. I dunno. I mean, I AM better than I was a year ago, but I've had two periods this year where I felt my very best because I was thin thin thin. I like to be thinner than most guys I think. And I do want to get back down to that, but at the same time I want to take some emphasis off the whole diet and exercise plan. I love to exercise I have NO PROBLEMS committing to that but I think I fret too much about what I eat. It's stressful and it's not really... I dunno... I hate to sound old fashioned but it's not masculine. I mean, I like being the guy who has Diet Pepsi and is unafraid to ask for it but I don't think a man's life should center around his diet and mine almost does. So THAT has got to change. So it's like I've got the exercise part down pat, 3 or 4 days of cardio, 3 days of lifting like clockwork every week. The diet part has months where I'm perfect and then months where I eat junk food every single day. I'm just going to try and cowboy up and stop eating at night but other than that I mean... people are always trying to tell you eat more carbs eat more fat, eat less fat don't drink caffiene. I think OccultPizza has the right idea, just be moderation. I LIKE coffee i LIKE diet coke I Like every kind of food I should just be moderate. That's really how my wife eats. have I mentioned how much I admire my wife?

You know this whole blog so far has been about reviewing 2003. I MEANT to do a blog about 2004 resolutions.

Let me cut this short by saying : I did good this year I think. There are some things I'd like to change:

PERSONAL
*This is a weird thing to admit on a blog. And maybe I should keep it to myself. But I wouldn't mind a little spice in the bedroom. I have to admit, I've gotten a little lax about the romance. 2004 I should try and bring back the little notes, the massages, etc. I still do all those little things, but I know they are less often, and she must notice too. At least I'm right on top of those big date things. Like anniversary, birthday, etc. I have not forgotten one yet, and I usually have her gifts ready to go a month in advance. It's nice because I can get the big item (jewelry, gift certificate, etc.) all ready to go way in advance and as I see other little things I can pick those up too. You'll excuse me if I sprain my elbow patting myself on the back for a good track record on this so far.

*I am very cynical when it comes to my other family. Sure I love them. But --- I mean. I might email my Mom a few times a week. Call my brother every other month. My dad less frenquently than that. Grannies and such are lucky to get a card once a year. So this year I've decided to make a serious effort to send every family member a CARD on their birthday and when the holidays come back around, have little christmas gifts ready to go for everyone. This is going to be very hard for me to do.

*Continuing on the above them. I have become a much more cynical person than I used to be. People who know me all say "oh you're so nice" and I try to be very courteous at work and I never let life's problems get me down. But inside I really despise so many things. Like children. And it cannot be good to loathe kids as much as I do. It cannot be healthy. When I was younger I was very inspired by people like Gandhi and John Lennon and Thich Nhat Hanh but now I've let my inner grinch take up a little too much space. And it has started manifesting itself in unusual ways. Like I love my cats but when they meow too much (just trying to be sweet to me) I get so frustrated sometimes I'm like "please just SHUT UP before I drown you." Now I would never drown my cats of course but still--- as I try to see myself objectively what kind of man threatens to drown the cats he actually loves so dearly? I'm going to address this more in the next section.

SPIRITUAL

I should say right now I am not religious. I am really not even spiritual. I am not a zealot about it but I just don't feel like these pursuits are worth my time. I'm glad fundamental religion exists because it gives people something to do, but it never added anything to my life and I doubt I'll ever see the need for it. That being said, there is a forum thread right now that is about atheism and whatnot and I just want to give my quick opinion, which is, if participating in religion is a waste of my time, arguing about it is even more so.

Athiest of the World Unite Forum Thread

*I would like to become., though, more generous in spirit. A small example is how my wife and I will be watching TV and if it's a Makeover Show I'll say something like "she doesn't need a make-over, she needs a miracle" but my wife truly does believe everyone is beautiful. AND on top of that she believes anyone can become MORE attractive in the superficial sense, with a little makeup and clothes and hair help. So it's little things like that. I need to try to cultivate in myself more of a sense of compassion. Like the other day a lady in the grocery store bumped into me with her OVERSIZE cart (they make these giant-ass carts shaped like CARS so that kids can pretend they are driving around while parents shop. I hate them and they are huge and unweildy) and she was very embarrassed and sorry and I was like "oh it's really okay, things happen" but in my head I wanted to say "You BITCH, why don't you watch where you are pushing that BIG FUCKING cart!" So I am terribly insincere. And this I want to change. Or how about the fact that they have a Toys-For-Tots program here, on base! Nobody here is wanting for anything, and my opinion is, look, nobody made you have four kids on an AIRMAN's salary. Why the hell should I have to buy your kids a toy? But this --- cannot be correct. I mean, why should the kids suffer? Would it really hurt me to buy a 25 dollar toy for a kid? No. I'm just selfish and taking the whole libertarian thing to a frightening extreme.
So I guess my goals in this area are to go back and re-read Thich Nhat Hanh's books, which I've kept over the years. And to read BUDDHISM WITHOUT BELIEFS which I started and was getting into but then abandoned. And to be nicer, PERIOD.

PHYSICAL

*Stop the mentality of FAT = Bad Person. Stop obsessing about diet. Continue good exercise habits. Learn to eat all foods in moderation.

MENTAL

* I should come up with a new hobby to pursue. I already compose music. And I like to read. What else is cool that I could learn?

*Read one novel a month (at least). I pretty much do this anyway. But it can't hurt to re-commit, can it?

*Journal. I do this one too. And I don't mean this blog. Nothing is as satisfying as handwriting your journal out every morning. To me anyway. Plus, it's portable and the server is always working just fine! You can get much more personal than you can online. Well. I'm not about getting personal online, maybe others are.

PROFESSIONAL

*I really started complaining too much about my boss at the end, and I really should not have. Poor guy. He's a nice guy, we just don't have the same ideas as far as work ethic. I should have transferred earlier.

------Hmmm in re-reading the above, these really aren't concrete goals so much as kind of aspirations of the person I would like to be next year. And maybe that's even better. As Stephen Covey says "Begin With The End In Mind"

----I.W.A.