This is a subject I have wanted to broach ever since I started this blog.

As evidenced by some of my previous blogs, I am not averse to discussing topics that may seem unseemly for a straight man. Designer clothes. Houses inspired by Japan. Etc. Can I identify who made your high heels? No. I do know they go well with that dress ( kind of gay) and they make me want to fondle your calves (not so gay... unless you are a man in which case, yes, fondling your calves would be kind of gay.)

I did promise myself I was NOT going to include in this article a certain buzzword that is making the rounds and begins with an "M" and rhymes with "intellectual". If you don't know the word, well, just pick up any magazine or watch any talk show and they are sure to mention it eventually. But I am already sick of it. So finally there is a word to define men who are attracted to women AND manicured nails. Fantastic. Because I know I couldn't live with myself until I had some box to fit into.Now I can sleep at night.

But here is my conundrum. And it really is about my problem with OTHER guys. Now just like some guys would be freaked out if I talk about what is the cheapest moisturizer to use or what is the best time to get to the tanning salon, certain habits of other men drive me nuts.

It is TRUE that I am a product junkie BUT I also try to be very frugal and as such I do NOT use a wide array of products. I believe in the basics. Shaving cream, I wash my face with soap, and then some moisturizer. That's it. I try to buy a hair product that is CHEAP and has BOTH shampoo AND conditioner in ONE.

I do think if you are a guy there is a certain age at which backwards baseball caps are no longer appropriate. Maybe 25 if you look young. probably more like 19 if you have any sense whatsoever.

One thing I am guilty of is non-maintenence of shoes. I am NOT wooed by ads of 150 dollar pair of dress shoes in the latest issue of GQ. I am not swayed when I read that women judge us by our shoes. I have scuffed boots, scuffed black shoes, well-worn canvas shoes, a good pair of workout shoes (New Balance) and a decent pair of dress shoes that have no scuffs but are pretty old. They probably cost me 25 bucks at Payless years ago and have done me right. I plan to rid myself of none of these no matter WHAT public opinion would say. I don't need the latest Performance Nikes. I don't need a 100 dollar pair of oxfords. I am fine with what I have.

I do NOT enjoy having "BIG" conversations. I mean, I enjoy somewhat --- talk of finances and our goals and stuff but I assume if nothing is said then the wifey and I are doing great.

I DO believe in the things like charm. Opening the car door for your wife. Driving as often as possible. Leaving the answering machine message. saying "ma'am" and "sir". ( I am SHOCKED by how few people do this, it seems.) Manners. Men have no manners anymore.

Also don't MUMBLE! Holy cow I can't believe how many men just won't be MEN and SPEAK UP! Your father and grandfather should have taught you this, but if they didn't, don't boo-hoo about it. Just teach yourself. Diction. Speak up. Be heard. If you are going to ask a question, clear your throat and ask for gods sake.

Whining. My Numero Uno complaint for men these days. I am a retail sales clerk. You cannot believe how often people --- men! Will complain to me. Maybe it is related to the store (price, availability, etc.) but half the time it isn't. (their job, their wives, their poor pitiful lives). I am NOT a bartender, this is not happy hour. There is no beer to cry your tears into. Oh yes, as long as I am thinking about it, I am very very tired of MEN who try to "big macho men" and drink a lot to prove their masculinity but then act like idiots, babies, dolts, and those types that start hugging on everyone. Gross. I don't care how often I watch Oprah, I don't want some drunk retard hugging on me. Or even a non-drunk retard. Well, no, I guess if you really were retarded I would probably put up with you hugging me because I would assume you would not UNDERSTAND how uncomfortable it makes me. But I guess that doesn't really conflict with my original point that I don't LIKE to be hugged. You know, I really don't like to be hugged by anyone who is not 1. My wife 2. My mother. That's about it.

So yes back to whining. What is IT with us guys these days? IS the internet not enough? Are our personal relationships really that unfulfilling that we feel we must burden every aquantance and person in earshot with anything we think worthy of complaining about? I mean, really --- people today complain about everything. Price of gas went up 10 cents, something to whine about. It took ten minutes to get checked out at the grocery store, boo freaking hoo. And yes this is a bit chauvanistic of me but I DO give women more leeway here. They seem charming and funny when they complain, and I am entertained. With men, it's vulgar and makes me want to puke. SO what you had to work overtime. be a man. cowboy up.

I mean, if you need to, go pray if that;s your thing. Rest your head on your wife's lap. call your dad and meet for a brew. Log onto JoeUser and vent. But don't be that type of guy who is always whining and complaining.

I believe we can find a halfway point. It's okay to want a nice haircut and the perfect wax to style it. It's NOT okay to complain about the price or how you had to wait 20 minutes for a spot to open up. I don't know. With so much going on it seems like we should be grateful we have the opportunity to spend our time and resources in so many ways... with family, friends, work. We can spend our sundays volunteering and our mondays on the couch watching spongebob.

I'm only 23 so if my opinions on what makes men men seem half-formed it's because they are. I don't really KNOW anything. How could I? I just know I think it is cool for a man to want a nice T shirt and spend the time shopping for it himself. I don't think it's cool if his dog accidentally rips it while playing with him and the dude not only acts like it's the most tragic thing to happen but feels like he has to tell everyone, "yeah my dog ripped my new 30 dollar T-shirt". Like we care. Get a new shirt. and be a man.

P.S. Is it just me or --- I mean, this option below to "display in forums" well, now it is the DEFAULT option and it started out UN-checked when it was first added. I think. Or is my mind playing tricks on me. Hmmm.